A Lost Cause
by Caspre
Summary: It's happened. Fred and George have finally fallen out, and it's up to three disgruntled teenage girls to pick up the pieces- but have they really considered the mess they are getting themselves into?
1. Chapter 1

**A Lost Cause**

-By Caspre-

**Chapter 1**

"OH YOU CAN JUST STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

"Speaking of arses- Have you stopped shaving yours yet?"

"WELL IF YOU HADN'T TRIED OUT THAT HAIR THICKENING LOTION ON _MY _BACKSIDE-" Came an angry reply.

"Well, _I _had to try out the tanning dust, because YOU fixed the coin toss, so I thought that if I looked like a stringy pumpkin, it was only fair that you could look like Hagrid for a whil-"

"Please, do you have to fight?" Hermione said tearfully, no doubt trying to calm the boys down. The rest of Gryffindor House, however, stood in silence as they watched on, unable to believe what was happening.

This wasn't just any normal argument, it couldn't have been because Hermione was usually the only one who brought them up, not cooled them down. This was something completely unnatural. Gryffindor House thought they would have seen Voldemort doing a lively jig before they saw something like this.

"Well, BOLLOCKS to you!" Fred Weasley shouted angrily, brandishing his wand.

"And Merlins saggy left buttock to YOU!" George Weasley spat in reply, mirroring his twin's action.

A second passed as they faced each other, wands raised, brows furrowed and contempt glittering in their eyes. It may as well have been a mirror image-

POP!

Both boys realized that instead of their wands, they were now holding a lamp and a lacy bra. Both had pranked the other with the same piece of trickery they had both worked so hard to perfect.

"FAKE-WAND _ME _WILL YOU?!"

"YOU DID IT AS WELL!"

With identical yells of anger, they lunged at each other. The crowd were still too flabbergasted for any one to think fast enough to conjour a shield charm, and with only their fists and feet, the brothers began to leave as many imprints on each other as they had freckles.

Ron scratched his head. Ginny looked perplexed.

"Have they ever fought like this before?"

"Never." Ron said, "And it's been sixteen years!"

"That's a lot of time to bottle up some anger..." Ginny said dryly. Hermione continued to watch them, horrified but unable to look away.

"Oh- uh- okay, they've started biting- will someone PLEASE break them up?!"

---

It was just a normal morning at Hogwarts. It was the beginning of Fred and George's sixth year and Lee Jordan was trying to tease them out of bed for the first day of academia.

"You're going to miss breakfast!" He reprimanded, scratching his dreadlocks and watching the redheaded duo beadily. That being the extent of his material, he left the sleeping pair. Their beds, side by side, seemed to have grown even more like marshmallows over the holidays, and while it was so easy to sink into its squishy depths, it was almost impossible to find a way out in the morning. Already, there were copious stashes of their most recent experiments which they were hoping to pass off as Weasley's Wizard Wheezes produce, the bright colors unable to ignore as they spilled out from under the bed frames.

And just seconds before Lee and the other boys were planning to make their slow and sluggish exit to breakfast; there was a creak of springs, two swishes of scarlet bedclothes and in a flash of crimson blended with horrific matching pink and purple striped jim jams, the Weasley twins stood before them, the morning sunlight outlining them with a pastel gold and their flaming hair tousled.

"Come on, you lot!" Fred/ George cried.

"What are you hanging around for?" George/ Fred continued.

"It's breakfast time!" They chorused, and both seizing their identical robes and slippers, they charged for the door, nearly getting jammed in the frame as they attempted to squeeze through simultaneously. They left a group of silent and disgruntled boys in their dust.

Like I said, it was a normal morning at Hogwarts.

Together- how else? - Fred and George entered the Great Hall. They scanned the Gryffindor table for the girls they usually sat with, Angelina, Katie and Alicia, but neither could identify the endearingly familiar assemblage.

"We couldn't possibly be here before them..." George said suspiciously.

"Maybe they skipped? You know what women are like with-"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence, Frederick." Came a wonderfully familiar voice, one that had not become dormant in their minds over the six weeks apart from Alicia, the sweet, obedient little sister Ginny never had been, never mind the fact that she was older than them by a few months, and acted so.

"Alice!" They sang, delighted to see her again, as the night before hadn't been the best opportunity to catch up after the holidays, which shall be explained later.

"...See- Ya!" She completed her name, irritated. The abbreviation of her name never failed to aggravate her, which was why Fred and George never refrained from using it, of course.

"Why, where are you going?" George asked, and both of them collapsed into peals of giggles. Alicia snarled, tossed her straight blonde hair over her shoulder and returned to her breakfast.

"But what is this?" Fred asked theatrically, and Alicia's spoonful of porridge paused on its way to her mouth, "Why are you not sitting with the rest of the disciples?"

"Disciples?" She couldn't help but seem interested, even though she didn't want to give away that impression; she was aware of their increasing egos, especially since they had opened up their joint 'business'.

"Well, yeah, anyone following us-"

"Oh, spare me, I'm eating." She replied, disgusted, "And I don't know why I'm not, I'm just not."

Silence. Alicia slurped her porridge. The apparent 'Messiahs' shared a skeptical glance.

"You're just..."

"Not."

"Well done." She snapped, but Alicia was a terrible liar. In fact, she was so terrible, that the thing that always happened when she did tell a lie seemed unnecessary because it was so obvious anyway. Slowly, the twins bent over Alicia, a head at each shoulder. She held a rigid posture, looking into her porridge with such determination she could have paying homage to it.

"It's okay, Alice."

"Just let it ou-"

A horrific belch silenced the buzz of chatter in the Hall. Alicia turned redder than the roots of a mandrake and Fred and George grinned like identical Cheshire cats.

"So..."

"Tell us..."

"Fine..." She moaned, hanging her head in humiliation, "Angelina, Katie and me...we had a falling out."

This time the twins did not fake anything- they were truly distraught.

"What do you mean, falling out?"

"Is it just with you, or are all three of you mad at each other?"

"All three."

The twins cringed at the idea of snide and bitchy tension going back and forth not just two ways, but three. It was an incredibly undesirable situation for two men to be caught in the middle of.

"Well..."

"We'll...just..."

"You're not going anywhere, I found you guys first, you can keep me company." She cut in darkly, "You're on my side, right?"

Oh, goodness. The twins gulped. It seemed they were more caught in the middle than they realized. It was like they were tangled in the web, and it was Alicia's they had fallen into. Did their allegiance lie with her? Just because she had 'seen them first'?

"Well, whose fault was it?" Fred asked, stupidly.

"NOT MINE, OF COURSE!" Alicia practically bellowed, grabbing their robes and pulling them downwards to sit either side of her, flanking her. They leant backwards and made faces of confusion and dread behind her back as she tucked into some toast.

Further down the table, they spotted Angelina Johnson conversing animatedly with a bewildered looking Hermione. Unable to stop this dreadful turn of events, they watched her head twist towards them, and the world slowed down.

She caught sight of them, sitting with Alicia, and she turned extremely pink. Her brow furrowed, her lips turned downwards at the corners and her chest heaved with contained emotion. With a huff and a profanity they couldn't hear, she turned her head away with such vigour that she winced and tried to pass off the rubbing of her cricked neck as a simple itch. Fred sighed. George shook his head.

_One down._ They thought simultaneously.

"Alicia, are you going to explain why you three hate each other so much-?"

"-Or are we going to have to wait until one of you is slaughtered?"

But before they could squeeze this vital information out of her, two of the kippers laid out on the silver platter in front of them were lifted into the air and in unison, they were used to _SLAP _the twins across their freckled faces, leaving greasy fish oil smeared across over their left cheeks and noses, and the reverberation to rattle off the highest rafters of the Great Hall, as if their humiliation was being replayed again and again at their expense. Both Weasley boys reeled back in disgust and shock.

"That ought to wake you two traitors up." Katie Bell muttered as she stalked past to return to the Common Room.

"Well..." Fred choked, trying to scrape off what he could of the fish substance with all the napkins in his vicinity.

"That certainly wasn't the greeting we deserved." George completed miserably, wiping his face with the sleeve of his robe. Alicia continued to eat, a little smug.

---

Things did not improve.

When the class filed in for their first Charms lesson of the year, the three girls split off in three different directions, much to Fred, George and Lee's dismay.

"Take one each?" Lee suggested miserably.

"Okay, but…be careful with which one you choose…statistics show that at least ONE of them is menstruating right now." Fred whispered, and the three of them felt their blood run cold.

"I pick Katie; she's the one with the lowest blood pressure." George babbled, and the other two swore enthusiastically as he lunged for the seat next to her. She turned to him, enchanted him with a lazy middle finger, and turned back to slowly unpacking her bags. He sighed and knew that his predicament would be the easiest of the three.

Fred braved the dangerous wilderness of Alicia's desk, knowing that he didn't have much hope of leaving with all of his limbs. She narrowed her eyes at him, as if scanning him for any signs of betrayal, and turned back to face the front. Fred heaved a sigh of relief-

"Shh." She spat.

And Lee was left with Angelina. Although she was known for her calm exterior, Angelina could get pretty het up if she wanted, and certainly rivalled Alicia when it came to temper tantrums. Lee winced as she slammed her books against the desk and began scratching the date into her parchment with such force that the table surface underneath would no doubt have the exact same inscription.

As the lesson got into full swing, and cushions were flying everywhere, the three boys managed to send notes inconspicuously.

_How long do bitch fights last, roughly? _Lee wrote anxiously.

_Depends upon the crime against the feminine laws of nature. _Fred jotted back jauntily.

_This looks like a long haul, lads. _George scribbled grimly.

The three boys sighed, casting their enchantments half heartedly.

Before long, both Fred and George were hit by a note each. In Lee's slanted scrawl were the words:

_Who wants to hear a plan?_

_---_

**_Sound promising? Lemme know whatcha think! x_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The three girls were in their dormitory, and an unnatural hush seemed to have permanently settled in the room. Angelina bent stiffly over her bed, casting a heating charm to keep her bed toasty warm throughout the chilly night. Alicia kept her eyes focused on the mirror in front of her and she coiled her hair into rollers for the night. Katie was changing into her polka dot pyjamas silently.

Even Ronald Weasley could've picked up on the tension in the room.

It had been a very long evening, seeing as they had had no one else to talk to but each other, and communication with one another was naturally off the agenda at this point. Even the boys hadn't bothered to use their 'wit' and 'charm' to thaw things out. They had retired to bed early, all three of them, although they all looked far too excitable to get some sleep. All day they had been keeping to themselves, heads bent as they conversed quietly about goodness knows what.

Not that the girls cared of course. It was well known that they only let the boys hang around with them out of exasperation and pity…or so they had hoped that was what everyone thought.

But lately, things certainly didn't look that way.

And sooner or later, the icy façade that was hanging in the air between the three girls, tense and cool, would have to crack.

"OOF!"

The clumsy Katie had been shuffling over to the sink when she had tripped on her too-long pyjama bottoms. Unlike a normal person, who would've probably just put out their other foot to stop their fall, Katie didn't have the reflexes to perform this simple technique, and simply fell forwards like a plank of wood to the floor with a smack and a wheeze of air that was thrust from her lungs.

This sudden commotion caused the other two to jump out of their stony stupors and stare at Katie with mild surprise.

And everything else happened quite quickly after that, really.

Angelina couldn't control it- she let out a rather unattractive snort through her nostrils.

Alicia glared over at Angelina.

Katie's face glowed a rather pleasant shade of Magenta.

"Don't laugh at her." Alicia snapped.

"Don't shout at her." Katie snapped.

"Don't stick up for me." Angelina snapped.

"Oh I won't BOTHER then!" Alicia shrieked, glad that the silence was broken. She was more than eager to use her vocals to their full potential once more.

"You're so over dramatic." Katie murmured quietly, but her eyes were full of malice and contempt.

"Oh, typical Katie." Angelina hissed angrily.

"Kiss my-" Katie began, reaching out to grab her wand off of her bedside table.

BANG!

Angelina's chaser reflexes were too quick for Katie's own sloth-like ones. Before she could even blink, she found herself stuck against the far wall with what seemed to be masses and masses of squishy pink bubblegum. She realized that she was unable to talk, as she had a large amount of it in her mouth. She blew a large bubble grumpily.

"Oh so now we're cursing?!" Alicia screeched, "Very mature, Ange!"

"Said she," Angelina scoffed, still holding out her wand defensively, "Whose such a spoilt brat she can't stand a little competition!"

"Don't make it out like _I _started this!" Alicia retorted, outraged, "_You _were the one who wanted him all to yourself, you selfish-"

"And you _didn't_?!" Angelina screamed, losing all of her calm composure, "I _swear _Alicia, you think that you own him just because your star signs match up-"

"Can I _help _that Aries is most compatible with a Sagittarian?!" She trilled smugly, folding her arms and giving her a very annoying look. Angelina rolled her eyes and gave up, knowing better than to get angry with Alicia. She knew who would come away without their fingers.

"Look." She said in a level voice, looking to both Alicia and the immobilized Katie, "I know we're all mad at each other. It's finally happened; we've fallen for the same guy."

The other two blushed and looked to their feet.

"And I know it's very hard to keep our hands, love tokens and horoscopes to ourselves," She continued sagely, "But our friendship is _so _much more important. Right?"

Silence.

"Oh come _on._" Angelina hissed, "Am I the only one here who won't give up her friends for some guy? Some…tasty…funny…charming…"

Katie and Alicia raised their eyebrows.  
"Harder than it looks, isn't it?" Alicia muttered darkly. Angelina scowled. Katie popped another bubble sadly, still unable to chip in.

"But…if you think about it, it's pretty simple. He's only going to like _one_ of us, isn't he?" Alicia mused. Angelina looked sceptical.

"Well he can be a bit of a berk sometimes." She said, no doubt having many irritating flash backs, "Who's to say he won't try and play us off against one another?"

They thought about this. In their own minds, each was pretty confident that they were the one who would win.

"ULTIMATELY, though," Alicia continued with determination, "He's going to have to choose one of us. The other girls in our year are either evil, snobs, or destined to be virgins forever."

That was certainly true. See if you can decide which groups belong to which house.

"And let's face it," She said, "We're all pretty, clever, good at Quidditch… what more could the idiot _want?_"

"A girl with some modesty?!" Angelina murmured, but Alicia was too busy musing to pay attention.

"So, if we want it to be fair," She said thoughtfully, "We're just going to let him choose. Without flirting, without hints and _without _love potion."

Although this seemed reasonable- and downright _noble _for someone like Alicia to relinquish her womanly manhunt tactics- Angelina and Katie didn't quite trust Alicia to follow this through. Nor did they trust themselves.

"So, we can't ask him out or anything?" Angelina said. Alicia shook her head.

"But when he asks m- one of us out, that's it. The game is up and I- the girl has won." She declared grandly, to a disgruntled audience of two.

"Seems fair." Angelina commented, and waved her wand in order to free Katie. She crashed to the floor.

"S'fair." She mumbled, in a daze, "So are we friends?"

"I guess." Alicia said, on her guard. She eyed the two of them suspiciously, "As long as we don't get caught up about him. The best looking girl wins, right?"

They glared at her.

"The best personality." She corrected herself. They nodded and turned to go to bed as Alicia whispered to herself, "And best hair…"

So it seemed that Fred and George didn't need to stick their freckled noses in after all. The girls- being an entirely different race all together when it came to maturity- had sorted themselves out.

In that case...what would happen now?

--

**It's been a while since I've updated, but please tell me what ya think so far. :) **


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